Issue link: http://papercitymagazine.uberflip.com/i/1284203
90 THRIVE AFTER DIVORCE? THE PIONEERS OF EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT DIVORCE ® SAY YES, YOU CAN CAN I NOT JUST SURVIVE BUT PAPERCITY ADVERTORIAL D ivorce is one of life's most stressful and devastating events, second only to death of a spouse. Nobody marries with the expectation of a future divorce. Even when couples enter into premarital agreements to determine how the marital estate will be divided in a divorce, they don't really believe it will happen. We are all romantics wearing rose-colored glasses when we walk down the aisle. When divorce becomes a reality, there is no escaping the onslaught of intense emotional turmoil it brings. Otherwise logical, even-keeled adults find themselves reeling from the loss, fear, anger, and hopelessness, that comes with this traumatic life event. That's why choosing the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make in a divorce. Carla Calabrese and Dawn Ryan Budner, of Dallas' renowned Calabrese Budner family law firm, are pioneers of Emotionally Intelligent Divorce ® , which protects what clients value most—family and financial security—without inflicting the damage that often results from traditional courthouse litigation. In additional to an excellent command of the law and courtroom knowhow, Calabrese Budner lawyers understand and elevate their clients' emotional and relational needs. "A divorce, in our experience, is 80% emotional, 10% financial and 10% legal," says Calabrese. "We at Calabrese Budner developed Emotionally Intelligent Divorce ® to meet 80% of our clients' needs." In traditional litigation, the court decides how to apportion marital property and parenting responsibilities between the parties. It's a zero-sum game, meaning there is a winner and a loser. The pre-trial discovery phase is invasive and expensive, and trial is rarely a cathartic "day in court," as former spouses turn against each other in the battle of their lives. Most important, clients may not realize that no matter how aggressive their lawyer, the judge and the law cannot fix the issues that led to the divorce in the first place. "Emotional deficits almost always cause divorce," says Calabrese. Some family law clients hire 'bulldog lawyers' because they are afraid and want someone who will 'fight' for them. Others hire aggressive divorce lawyers because they anticipate their spouse will do so. This logic inevitably leads the parties into expensive and drawn- out litigation that usually is not necessary to resolve the case. As Budner explains, "When operating from a place of loss and fear about the future, it's easy to lose sight of the desired outcome in divorce. Ultimately, you want a property division that meets everyone's needs and a positive co-parenting relationship going forward." Budner advises, "Don't choose a lawyer who creates conflict, profits from it, and then walks away with your family in shambles." Emotionally Intelligent Divorce ® Calabrese Budner takes a different approach, offering what it calls Emotionally Intelligent Divorce ® to clients. According to Calabrese, "We believe addressing the human as well as the legal side of divorce changes the course of interactions during the process." Calabrese says, "This can not only make or break your case; in some instances, it can improve your relationship with your spouse from where it was when you walked into our office." It is a known fact that highly contested divorce litigation damages families and children. Calabrese reports, "We have seen families restructure and get to Emotionally Intelligent Divorce® addresses the human emotions present in every divorce, whether amicable, bitterly contested, or somewhere in between.