Issue link: http://papercitymagazine.uberflip.com/i/1529936
"Kim thinks the Christmas tree should come down on December 30th, but fake trees are great because they can stay up until February." Below: The front of our house is all real and quasi- traditional — real grass, real wreaths. The back of our house is like Vegas. AstroTurf, fire bowls, fountains, and colored pool lights. My friends at Funboy make huge blowup Christmas balls; we're going to fill the pool with them. It's like Caesars Palace back there. This year, the twins are 10 turning 11 on Christmas Eve. This is the year Santa becomes a giant question mark. You lied! — Donald Robertson The only thing I do at the holidays is make sure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is on 24/7, starting in November. It's our Christmas card this year. MERRY MAXIMS FROM DRAWBERTSON Holiday mayhem. Are you kidding me? This Christmas is going to be a disaster. The twins' birthday is on Christmas Eve, and they're turning 11. This is the year when they find out we've been lying to them about Santa their whole lives. Noooo, we can't tell them there's no Santa — that's what middle school is for. An Analog Christmas It's bad enough they're going to find out there's no Santa, this year we're really ruining Christmas for them. The Highland Park police have banned electric scooters and you have to have a driver's license for the electric bikes. The twins have been asking for all this electric stuff — I mean, have you looked around? Every five seconds, you nearly run over a kid on an electric bike with a helmet on, and the strap undone. Kids were dropping like flies. The cops had to do an intervention. Opposites attract. Kim is the organized brains of Christmas. I want to stretch it out, and she wants to pack it up. She wants to keep it tasteful. The kids and I are like: If it's not flashing, we need to get more batteries. Kim does everything. I'm 44