Issue link: http://papercitymagazine.uberflip.com/i/1529937
We were definitely not big lights people until we moved to Highland Park. We had one shameful year, and then we got it together full Griswold, like compromise the power grid. The realtor should almost warn you about holiday decorating pressures if you're new here. like the kids. I go to bed and wake up when Santa has come. Kim also likes everything real: real tree, real holly, real greenery. To me, another word for fir tree is fire hazard. I like fake. Kim thinks the Christmas tree should come down on December 30th, but fake trees are great because they can stay up until February. It's a battle. Holiday ritual. Father Knows Less. The only thing I do at the holidays is make sure Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is on 24/7, starting in November. It's our Christmas card this year. Holiday drink recipe. Part of the reason I moved to Highland Park is because of roadies. It's the tradition of taking whatever you're drinking at home before you head out — I'm usually drinking wine or ranch water — and pouring it into a styrofoam cup with a monogram. I won't say the rest because it's illegal. But I will say this: Walking the dog on Christmas Eve with a roadie is the best. Vegas meets Vermont. The front of our house is decorated full-on, center-hall Colonial. The house is lined with lights, and Kim has her tasteful wreathes and ribbons. In the back, it's Vegas for me and the boys with fire pots and fountains and colored lights. The pool has a tanning platform, so you can lie in the shallow end and still see your wife in her bikini — in our house, the dog uses it. It's everything in terms of tacky going on. My friends at funboy.com just sent me a giant box of blowup Christmas balls for the pool, so we're using those along with the blowup Santas. Party outfit. I wear red pants year- round anyway, so I'm always party ready. Gifts you're giving. Everyone this year is getting a book. My new book, Sofa King Great, wrapped in gaffer tape! A gift you'd love to receive. I want Santa to outlaw electric scooters, so then the kids can't ask for them. "Oh, man, Santa would have gotten you one, but they've been outlawed." Also, I'd really like to have more of that blowup stuff from Funboy. The floating nutcrackers are incredible. Below: Everyone this year is getting a book. My new book. Wrapped in gaffer tape! 63