PaperCity Magazine

April 2013 - Houston

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JENNY JOHNSON is Sick and Tired of Not Being Best Friends With Beyoncé and Other Relevant Tweets INTERVIEW OF JENNY JOHNSON BY JENNY JOHNSON. PHOTOGRAPHY CHRIS BROWN. I Jenny Johnson Jenny Johnson Tweet Hall of Fame Feb 23 It makes me sad to think about how many people's Saturdays are being ruined by a child's birthday party. Feb 17 I'm sick and tired of not being best friends with Beyoncé. Feb 7 The Grammys are banning side boobs but welcoming assholes. #chrisbrown Feb 6 I'll fight your kid. Jan 31 If you're a red-headed stripper and you don't go by the stage name "Ginger Snap." you're doing it all wrong.  Dec 6 I always want to be the friend you text under the table, not the boring asshole sitting across from you. Dec 29 The stick figure family on the back of your SUV told a pedophile your daughter is a cheerleader and now he's following you home. Nice job! Jenny Johnson Dec 27 Got stuck in line behind a woman who used a million coupons, then paid for her groceries with a check. I'm currently following her home. Dec 25 Saw a girl wearing a hoodie, shorts and UGGs. My stepdaughter said, "Seasonally challenged sluts are the worst." I am beyond proud. William Anzalone Red & White Gallery Opening May 11 Fayetteville,Texas Red & White Gallery On the Historic Square Fayetteville, Texas As her Twitter fame grew, Johnson's profile skyrocketed, and soon enough the coasts came calling. The Bay City native, stepmother to two teenagers and doting mom to a couple of basset hounds, is now a columnist for GQ magazine (with a penchant for diatribes on modern parenting) and is writing a book and a pilot for ABC based loosely on her own family life.  Just in case this isn't meta enough for you, with me to photograph the occasion is Chris Brown. No, not that Chris Brown, the one the other Jenny Johnson hates. This Chris Brown is a Houston photographer shooting the Jenny Johnson whom the other Chris Brown hates. Got that? "@jennyjohnsonHi5 ... writer, asshole and owner of 2 dogs. Follow me on Instagram." By her own admission, that's Jenny Johnson's tag. She's scary on a device, but really laid-back and cool in person. Jan 30 Peter Travers of Rolling Stone described my performance of 'drunk-chick-eatingGummii-Bears-while peeing' emotional and Oscar-worthy. Dec 27 The worst part about having stepkids is neither one of those fuckers is a kidney donor match for me. Feb 10 I'd totally watch a show called "Real Housekeepers of Beverly Hills." Jan 30 I can't be friends with anyone who replies "Ew..." to my texts. t all started when my mother asked me if I'd been in a Twitter fight with Chris Brown. Taken aback to hear her utter either the words "Twitter" or "Chris Brown," I asked for clarification. Turns out not just the whole Internet, but everybody from Fox & Friends to The View was buzzing about a different Jenny Johnson, a writer from Houston who engaged in such a nuclear-level conflagration with the girlfriend-beating Brown as to provoke him to (temporarily, it turned out) up and quit Twitter.  Next thing I knew, I was sitting down at Tiny Boxwood's with the actual subject of my mom's query: the one with the razor-sharp wit and the thing for fashion, who from her home base in Houston has amassed almost 400,000 Twitter followers, among them celebs Natalie Maines, Jenna Elfman and JJ Watt.  Anzalone Opening May 11, 5-8pm Anzalone Exhibit May 4-June 8 In association with Meredith Long & Company Some of the Things Hates: Cancer • "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and all Kardashian-related programming • Ranch dressing • When parents don't discipline their kids • People who get in arguments with strangers in the comments section after reading an online article • Guys who go up to girls at parties and ask why they're not smiling • Chris Brown A Few Things Jenny Johnson Actually Likes: Rap song: "Front Back Side to Side" • Baker Street Pub • TruLucks • Saks Fifth Avenue • Weekend road trips to Austin and the Hill Country • Hopetown, Bahamas: There are no vehicles allowed on the island, and you have to take one of those "crossyour-fingers Buddy Holly planes" and a Ferry to get there • Alexander Wang • Skewering fictitious neighbors • Shopbob. com • Katia • Saying "Y'all" • Prada bags JennyJohnson says to follow: @DannyZuker @robdelaney @GaryJanetti @kellyoxford @jennyandteets @juliussharpe morganmurphy Garden oil on canvas 45 x 30 HOUSTON THANKS FOR 22 YEARS AUSTIN SHABBY SLIPS C. RENEA ABBOTT INTERIOR DECORATION 71 LA GRANGE 2304 Bissonnet Houston, Texas 77005 | P. 713.630.0066 | F. 713.521.3898 | MYSHABBYSLIPS.COM FAYETTEVILLE I-10 SAN ANTONIO COLUMBUS HOUSTON

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